Alan Bissett

Playwright, novelist, performer, bletherer.

Pulling out – the baby’s here!

Hi Folks,

Sorry to tell you that I’ve had to pull out of all events in the coming week, as our first baby has decided to come two weeks early! I hope this isn’t too disappointing for anyone who has a ticket to come along to anything. As it happens, all these events will still go ahead and I’ll be replaced by other people who are probably better than me…

At the ‘Falkirk Voices’ event at Callendar House this Saturday 16th – as  part of the LandWords festival – the local authors will read as programmed, hosted by Dickson Telfer, but the second half – My performance of What the F**kirk – will be replaced by a special gig from Scottish Album of the Year shortlistee Adam Stafford. He’s amazing, you’ll love him. We’ll also hopefully still be showing some of the filmed extracts of What the F**kirk, so you can get a flavour of it.

For the Stage to Page event at the Tron on Monday 18th I’ll be replaced by Fiona Sturgeon Shea of the Playwrights Studio, who will host and present three performances of playscripts that I have selected from the entries, and discuss them in my absence.

At the Syd Barrett discussion on Wed 20th, for the Dust of Everyday Life festival at the CCA, the panelist will instead by John Cavanagh, who has written a book analysing Pink Floyd’s debut album

So don’t worry, peeps, you’ll still get a big night oot!  Apologies for pulling out, but it’s a very good reason eh.





April Showers

Hey folks! This is in case you’re still dazed by Batman and Superman pummeling each other and haven’t been paying attention to the REAL STORY which is: what is Alan Bissett up to this April?

WELL! It’s a fair old roster.

First off, I’ve written an episode of everyone’s favourite Scottish telly programme (this is actually true – they showed me the viewing figures).


Had a lot of fun doing it. Might do it again. My episode will be screened this June.

Before then, however, I’ll be appearing on The Tuesday Review, hosted by Janice Forsyth, on BBC Radio Scotland, reviewing new STUFF, including PJ Harvey’s new album. That’s this Tues 12th April at 2pm.

On Sat 16th Apr I’m reprising my stand-up show about home-town.

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in a one-off event at Callendar House, Falkirk (6.30-8.30pm), as part of the Edinburgh International Book Festival’s Landwords. Also featured is the quicksilver genius of musician Adam Stafford, and a host of brilliant local writers reading from Alight Here: An Anthology of Falkirk Fiction, which I edited. This will be THE MOST FALKIRK NIGHT OF YOUR FREAKIN’ LIFE! Tickets here.

Next up is the Stage to Page night I’m hosting at the Tron theatre on Mon 18th April (6pm) for the Playwrights’ Studio. It involves script-in-hand performances of three new short plays I’ve selected. Should be a really cool night and a great way of seeing new talent coming through. You’ve still even got time to enter a script for it! Tickets here.

Later that week I’ll be in a discussion at the Dust of Everyday Life festival at the CCA in Glasgow on Wed 20th April (2.45pm), organised by the Scottish Mental Health Arts and Film Festival (SMHAFF). With psychiatrist Dr Peter Byrne, I’ll be looking at the life of Pink Floyd’s Syd Barrett


ahead of the play SMHAFF commissioned from me about him, One Thinks of it all as a Dream, which opens in October. There will, however, be a sneak preview of a section of this play performed on the night. Tickets here.

On May 5th, just in case you care, I’ll be voting SNP for my constituency vote – because I trust them more than I trust parties being worked from behind by Westminster’s agenda – and RISE on the list vote


because I want to see a pro-independence socialist party in the Scottish parliament. But you can vote how you like, of course.

All of this could be put in doubt (apart from the voting bit) as I’m about to become a daddy for the first time in the next few weeks, depending on when the wee yin’s mammy goes into labour. So if the event is cancelled at the last minute, you’ll know what happened!

In my head, I’m imagining it’ll be like this….


Whereas, it’ll probably be more like this….


Luckily, however, there will definitely be the return of this sassy lady at the Edinburgh Fringe, this August. That’s right, folks, she’s back…


Stay tuned for details…

Moira is back for 2016

Happy new year, all!

This year I’m bringing back what’s probably the best thing I’ve ever done in my entire career: my ‘one-woman show’, The Moira Monologues. You will love it. I’m, like, 98.8% sure.

(covering my back with that 1.2%)


performing as Moira in 2010, photo by Neil Thomas Douglas

14th Jan (Thurs) – I’ll be at the Drouthy Cobbler in Elgin . Tickets are available here. Cracking atmosphere in the Cobbler. I took my show Ban This Filth! there two years ago and it was easily the best night of the tour.

11th March (Fri) – Moira will be at the Tron theatre for the Glasgow Comedy Festival. It’s her first Glasgow appearance for five years. Should be a big wan. Tickets available here.

‘Moira is Scotland’s newest stage superstar.’ – The List

‘Moira’s the most charismatic character on a Scottish stage in a decade. She’s also so funny that some in the audience were literally shouting with laughter.’ (**** Joyce McMillan – The Scotsman)

‘Bissett writes with eagle-eyed vim.  His Moira lurches from a foul-mouthed Rottweiler who could give Malcolm Tucker a run for his money to maudlin softie in the time it takes to smoke a fag.’ (Alice Jones – The Independent)

See yese there!


November & December Dates

Things get busy for me this winter, so come along and let’s get out of the cold:

November 25th (Wed) @ Central Library, Stirling. Claire Squires chairs a panel of myself, Shari Lowe, Lisa Ballantyne and Billy Letford, discussing “What books and my library means to me”. Part of Book Week Scotland, this event is free but ticketed, with a 7pm start, and you can find out more here.

November 26th (Thurs) @ Currie Library, Edinburgh. Join me for some warmth, tips on how to write, and good old fashioned banter. Part of Book Week Scotland, this event is free but ticketed, with a 3:30pm start, and you can find out more here.

Also November 26th (Thurs) @ Falkirk Library, Falkirk. I will be joining Helen Mackinven for an evening of book and bairn chat. Tickets are £5.50, with a 7pm start, and you can find out more here.

December 3rd (Thurs) @ Behind The Wall, Falkirk. Join me, Adam Stafford, The Grind, Helen MacKinven and more for the launch of [Untitled] 6. Tickets are £7 in advance or £10 on the door, with a 7pm start, and you can find out more here.

Funny in Falkirk

Hot off the heels of my What the F**kirk? tour from earlier this year, I will be exclusively performing my ‘one-woman show’ The Moira Monologues for the first time in five years.

Don’t miss this opportunity to meet Moira Bell – cleaner, single mother and the hardest woman in Falkirk – at 7pm, Behind The Wall, Falkirk, on October 16th.

‘Moira’s the most charismatic character on a Scottish stage in a decade. She’s also so funny that some in the audience were literally shouting with laughter.” 4 stars (Scotsman)

Tickets are £10/£8 and available here.

Alan Bissett

Anywhere But The Cities

Dewar’s, Neu! Reekie! & FOUND are teaming up to take to the road with some of their finest guests.

Swapping stories for whisky and visiting faces and places, the whole affair will be captured for broadcast and beyond, and I’ll be making an appearance on the following dates:

Wednesday 15th July – Ullapool – The Ceilidh Place:
With Bill Ryder-Jones & Company, Found, Miss Irenie Rose, Michael Pedersen, Kevin Williamson

Friday 17th July – Oban – Oban Chocolate Company:
With Bill Ryder-Jones & Company, Found, Michael Pedersen, Kevin Williamson

Sunday 19th July – Skye – The Skye Festival at Sabhal Mòr Ostaig:
With Carla Easton (TeenCanteen), Bill Ryder-Jones & Company, Found, Michael Pedersen, Kevin Williamson

Thursday 23rd July – Helensburgh – Tower Arts:
With Withered Hand, Hollie McNish, Ross Sinclair, Found, Michael Pedersen, Kevin Williamson


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What The F**kirk?

I will be performing my new play, What The F**kirk?, this summer. It’s a light-hearted look at the story of the Falkirk area, and coincides with the release of ‘Alight Here: An Anthology of Falkirk Writing’; 20 pieces of new writing and poetry by authors living and working in Falkirk, including Janet Paisely and Aidan Moffat.

Tickets for What The F**kirk? are now available from The Steeple Box Office on 01324 506850, or online here.

WhatTheFkirkA5emailversion(1) WhatTheFkirkA5emailversion(2)You can find out more in my chat with the Falkirk Herald.