Alan Bissett

Playwright, novelist, performer, bletherer.



Image by Neil Thomas Douglas

Meet Moira Bell, cleaner, single mother, and the hardest woman in Falkirk. Whether defending her wee dog Pepe from the local rottweiler, attempting to seduce a teacher, or belting out Diana Ross for the Scotia karaoke night, Moira is hilarious, hypnotic, frightening and heart-warming company.

Based on the stories and characters Alan encountered growing up in the Hallglen area of Falkirk, where The Moira Monologues first premiered, Moira, her long-suffering pal Babs, her neighbour (Bawface), her laddies (they’re gid laddies, but they canny take their hash) and her wee dug Pepe, have left audiences all over the country weak with laughter.

The Moira Monologues was first performed at the Mitchell Library Theatre as part of the Aye Write! Festival in March 2009. Directed by Sacha Kyle.

It returned to the Edinburgh Fringe in August 2016.


“**** This is brilliant stuff, an exhilaratingly fresh take on the whole business of class and culture in Scotland. It’s also so funny that some in the audience were literally shouting with laughter.” – The Scotsman (full review here)

“Moira Bell is a legend. A hilarious, but subtly smart work that takes society slowly apart” – **** – The Skinny

“**** Bissett writes with eagle-eyed vim and not a word is wasted. His Moira lurches from a foul-mouthed Rottweiler who could give Malcolm Tucker a run for his money to maudlin softie in the time it takes to smoke a cigarette.”

The Independent (full review here)

“**** A funny, feisty, fiery 60 minutes that’s utterly convincing.” – TV Bomb

The scripts for The Moira Monologues/More Moira Monologues are published by Speculative Books, or are available by dropping me an email on

Below is an excerpt of Alan performing ‘Date’ from The Moira Monologues at Words Per Minute in 2010.